Checking my cell phone on that infamous night five years ago, I saw that I had missed a call from her. We had only dated for a few months, but it was very intense and if it wasn't for her very controlling nature things might have worked out between us. I was happy enough that I had missed the call and wasn't overly disappointed as she had shocked me earlier in the day saying that she was going to a doctor to get (pregnancy) checked. She was a doctor, a pediatrician for God's sake! It seemed off, so I tried to get on with my night. That was until I got 'the text': "I saw the heartbeat today.".This is how I found out that I was going to be a father. What happened next is the part of the story that most any man (or woman) who does not live with their children, are forced to go through because of the current system/regime that is Cook County 'Family' Law Court.
So to cut to the chase while stating the facts, she was not willing to talk or work on us. In fact, I remember how quickly the words 'not if it's just for the child' came from her mouth. While this was fair what happened next was not and I have no doubt that it was orchestrated and executed with almost exact precision.
I spent the first two years of my son's life traveling 25 miles every weekend to the suburbs and in all that time any time I asked if I could provide financial support for my son she refused and it. As my boy approached his second birthday, I soon began asking his mother for him to be able to come stay at my home. This was met with indignation from her and her family. It was as if they felt I had some nerve to even ask them. I implored and tried jumping through the hoops needed to have my child be with me however when she backed out of allowing me overnights with him I finally sought out a lawyer. As soon as my lawyer wrote to her to ask if we could perhaps talk so that the matter did not reach the court system, she attacked. The following day her lawyer filed for child support retroactive back to day one and we followed that with a suit for joint-custody. The support (which, again, I was not holding back) was taken from me with zero understanding of my financial situation but of course, from the court's point of view, what mattered how I survive so long as I was paying someone with five times my salary her 'needed' support for my son. There is no question in my mind that the reason that she never took my money when it was offered was so that she could damage me if I asked for my son.
We settled after mediation on visitation and we were ordered to work on a joint-custody agreement. When we refused her lawyers version of a JC agreement (as it was really just a sole custody agreement posing as a JC agreement) then I became fully aware of the machine that is Illinois' Cook County 'Family' Courts. She refused to communicate with me. Effectively, she wanted total control over my son's life and that included when he was to be with me. Her lawyer filed for Sole Custody. Over the course of a year and a half she refused to hear me, answer my questions, or co-parent in any way. I was later to realize their now obvious premeditated strategy. A GAL was brought in and without going into his useless input he decided that he would side with the mother as we did not communicate effectively and from there the Judge in PreTrial conference stated that she would not continue the Joint Custody of my son no matter what we might try to show her. I would be allowed to go for Sole Custody. So basically I was facing a completely unfair scenario where I had about a 3% - 4% chance of succeeding.. All of this of course was devastating to me personally but financially, it broke me. The judge who had earlier ruled for her to pay 80% of the cost of the GAL due to her ability to pay it over my inability, only granted 20% of my legal fees for the entire case. Then, to add insult to injury, she declared that she would not grant any apportion from her for my (possible) Sole Custody case, basically ruling out any ability for me to go and fight for my son. An absolute disgrace.
When is it time for these inequalities to stop? When will a family be treated as a structure where mother and father have equal importance? When will the father or non-custodial parent be treated as fairly as possible due to his/her obvious situation, in other words being without your child, instead of being treated by the current system as a paying customer/number. It is heinous and has to stop.
I could go on and on, talk about parental alienation, how I am being alienated currently and in general how I have been victimized, but no one wants to deal with that, no one wants to hear about a man wanting to stand up for himself despite the hefty challenges for his child, pointing out that a woman could brainwash a child in order to control and dominate him and keep the influence of the non-custodian to the very minimum. If people are caring about the future, care about education and the family, well then these are the roots that need better tending. Foster the fathers that seek to fend for their families. Give detailed credence of their plight and give every chance to allow joint-custody between ex-spouses or partners. If they do not communicate then make them, send them to mediation and demand a resolution from them if they both want to be part of their childrens lives. It is right for the children, it is right for their development and their future, and therefore ours too.
Ronald's Story...
CELL CALL FROM HELL
