"How can I be a good dad in tough situations? I am trying hard but the tools I need to be a good dad and raise an almost perfect family have been snatched away by the law and justice system rendering me crippled and unable to help my destroying family. It is sad and I have cried out all my tears and there are no more tears my eyes can shed.
Ours is a beautiful family with a spouse and a 14 year old daughter. Life is never a smooth sail and I know it very well. Our daughter being the only child was given what she wanted while growing up. She is a brilliant middle school student and has excelled in her academics. She is a very quiet and shy person. On the contrary, she is quite vocal and violent at home especially when she gets "no" for an answer. Something very simple such as “no” will trigger her violent reaction and then she goes on a rampage throwing things around. I am not a perfect father and I have tried to discipline her early in her age through normal parenting procedure but since she turned into a teenage girl I have refrained from even those simple disciplining procedure. To avoid further destruction of property and to avoid her being hurt while throwing things or punching walls, I offered her to use me as her punching bag. Despite the many occasions when I have borne the pains and sorrows from her physical and emotional outbursts, my spouse always blames me for the altercation and tells that our daughter has done nothing wrong. I tried to make my spouse understand the situation but have had no luck thus far. In Feb 2013, my spouse (Chinese origin) called for counseling help and that resulted in the CPS involvement and placement of our daughter and spouse in shelter.
Since Feb 2013 I have not seen my family and our daughter and I have not been able to contact them. And to make things worse, I got served with a restraining order and was forced to vacate the house within 10 minutes. This action has deprived me of the tools I need for my trade (work-at-home) and also as the head of the household I am now unable to take care of the house, my family and my daily routine chores. How is this fair and how can I be a good dad during these difficult times and tough situation. I do not want to see my family
disintegrate and be destroyed.
I live in the state of Washington and my parenting rights have been revoked since Feb 2013. My hope is that it is still not too late to remedy and stop the disintegration of a simple and humble family of 3 members: mother, father and 14-year old daughter. The system in the state of Washington has failed to recognize the good parent and has unfairly treated me and isolated me from my own family members. In fact, they have created a wedge between the family members and have split the family. How much time is being lost due to this process and system and all this due to the wrongful allegations for some self serving needs. It is very unfair. First, it was the DV protection order based on false fears. The DV allegations and restraining order were dismissed with prejudice by the court on Mar 22, 2013. Then the CPS started its case of sexual abuse by the father on our own daughter. The CPS has also closed their case as "Unfounded" on Apr 24, 2013. It is easy for these entities to dismiss and close the cases and move on to their next case but what about the hardships and pains they have caused to the parent who is innocent. And what about the valuable time lost due to their irresponsible actions of isolating me during this period? Who can answer these questions?
Per deposition taken under oath, my spouse was coerced and forced by the CPS into stating most of the false allegations including sexual assault on her and on our daughter. They informed my spouse quoted here: “You will never see your daughter again unless you sign off on the papers”. How would one feel if their son or daughter is taken away from them without any good cause? I have been alienated from our daughter for over 9 months now due to the false allegations coerced by CPS and DV advocates. This is an extreme form of child abuse. Our Justice system puts on a blindfold and seems not to look at the truth while allowing CPS and DV and Family Courts to work together to make money out of false allegations. What happened to the Justice in our country? Are we the same as any other societies in the world where corruption rules?
Nothing that has happened in our household rises to the level of domestic violence from me to either my spouse or our daughter; instead, it is an out-of-control teenager’s violence that has given rise to these allegations. Our daughter is in need of an evaluation and treatment for her mood disorder or Attention Deficit Disorder, or whatever the evaluation shows. The outburst of violence and anger I have personally witnessed make me fear for our daughter’s emotional and physical safety if she does not receive the help she so desperately needs. As her father, I am very distressed that somehow our daughter’s medical needs are being overlooked as this case has become more about my spouse continuing to make false allegations against me instead of realizing that our daughter needs professional help. I have been very involved in our daughter’s education and welfare; I have participated in school projects, conferences and the like; and I have scheduled numerous medical appointments to address our daughter’s alarming behavior, all to no avail as our daughter has refused to attend or cooperate with the physicians. I have seen our daughter’s Facebook postings wherein she describes very concerning behavior, yet my spouse refuses to believe that our daughter is any different than any other teenager, and she continues to make false allegations that it is my “fault” that our daughter is acting out.
I don’t know where else to turn to get our daughter the help she needs. I was not the aggressor in any domestic violence incident, either against my spouse or our daughter. I tried to restrain our daughter from causing further harm during a violent outburst and suddenly I am the one who is being penalized for it. I want to get our daughter the professional help she needs, as well as my spouse’s engagement in professional services to address these mental health issues.
Our family is in distress and this request for assistance is coming from a sincere and ailing father.
DESPERATION DAD
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